Citygirlfriend keeps prodding me to get in touch with my feelings. I tell her men in the country don’t do that. It’s like holding hands in public.
We had dinner at a neighbor’s last Saturday night. Citygirlfriend asked if it was normal for men in the country to not talk about their feelings. They looked at her, paused, laughed.
“You should feel lucky to have a man who talks,” they said.
“I keep telling her, for a farmer, I’m as metrosexual as they come,” I said.
Citygirlfriend says that city men talk about their feelings, cry, and hold hands in public. I had no idea there was this much suffering in the world.
So, I’m offering a primal boot camp for men who are in touch with their feelings and want to stop being in touch with their feelings. We will use an intensive weekend of chores, sweating, wood chopping, bonfires, and meat, to cure you of this affliction. We will find the door in your psyche that opens to your feelings, and shut it safely and securely, forever.
Imagine the satisfaction that will come from a day of hard physical labor, followed by searing meat over an open fire, followed by unchallenging discourse while gazing into said fire.
“I don’t know,” someone will say.
“Yep,” you’ll say.