Brotherhood of the Combover Men

I’ve started the “combover.”  I wanted to document this moment in time and let you know that, speaking for all “combover men”, ‘yes, we know we are leaving our hair longer and combing it over thinner areas.’  We just want everyone to pretend it’s not happening.  We think of ourselves as thick-haired studs, and would appreciate it if you would pretend to think that as well.

A woman was cutting my hair about ten years ago.  I asked her if my hair was thinning.  She said no, but too emphatically.  I knew she was lying, and I think she knew I knew she was lying, but I realized the delicate dance which had just started for me and would not be finished until I was dead or shaved my head.

The last couple of years my barber has started leaving my hair longer in certain places, and it’s funny how it just falls into place across the thinner areas.  And by ‘fall into place’ I mean, incessant stroking with my right hand in a diagonal, back-to-front motion.  My barber never acknowledged he was doing this, and I never brought it up.  I had joined the “brotherhood of the combover men.”

4 Responses to Brotherhood of the Combover Men

  1. chris says:

    Emblematic of everything that “thins out” as you get older/wiser.
    What is left is the “bottom line” quality stuff. The chaff goes away, so to speak, and what is left is substance (or wheat, to complete the analogy). Not to worry: this is quality control (to further confuse analogies)!

    Happy holidays!

  2. hilarious. may this be the worst of your problems. happy new year.

  3. Penna says:

    Ha! Nothing like taking a “secret failing” and just right-out acknowledging it. Even better if one is a fantastically witty and self-aware writer.

  4. matthew Solverson says:

    Better to focus on the combover than the one grey hair, the ear/nose hair trimming, or the spare tire.

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